I’ve learned what I know about being a good dominatrix from ten-plus years of practice. This contains actual techniques, but also skills around building a scene, building a connection with my partner, navigating the complexities of consent. There are so many ways of getting information about doing BDSM safely and skillfully. Local dungeons and adult stores hold many workshops each month. And some things you only learn from experience.
But whether you’re a complete novice or experienced and exploring the deepest intricacies of power dynamics, sometimes it’s just nice to have someone to talk to and work things out with. And I LOOOOOVE talking about this stuff.
I identify as a switch, although I only sub for my private partners. But I believe a good top intimately knows what it feels like to bottom. In fact, if someone who identifies as a Dom is afraid of subbing, it’s probably pride (and often toxic masculinity) and can be a red flag. Basically, I can talk to you about and coach you on both.
I’m using dom and top interchangeably here to signify the one in a position of power in a scene.
A few very important points:
I do not work with couples. If you’re interested in BDSM instruction with your partner, I highly recommend working with Sarah Sloane.
Coaching is never a substitute for counseling. If you are working through deep issues, I can be a guide and a friend, but not a therapist.
If you ask me about subbing for you, I will not respond and will block you.
How to get started. If you’re in a relationship, we can talk about how to bring up the topic, find shared interests, negotiate scenes. If you’re single and dating, we can talk about finding folks interested in kink.
How to add a dom/sub or master/slave dynamic to a relationship.
How to work on better communication before, during, and after kinky play.
How to find your inner dom.
How to top after trauma. We can talk about scenes, triggers, and practice saying no and setting boundaries.
Many of the same topics apply to both learning how to be a better dominant and submissive:
Subbing after trauma (see not about this not being therapy). We can talk about scenes, triggers, and practice saying no and setting boundaries.
How to know who to trust: what kinds of questions to ask and what to do if you’re uncomfortable.
How to become a more confident, assertive submissive.
Dominatrix Life Coaching
I stepped into the role of professional dominatrix because I’ve learned to be exceptionally confident about myself, my capabilities, and taking control. Part of this is because of my experience with BDSM, with physical intimacy, etc. But a lot of my confidence also comes from the rest of my life: earning my graduate degree, finding success in multiple careers, my successful romantic relationships, maintaining my health, etc. In my 37 years, I’ve done a LOT with my life and have learned a lot.
I can help you set goals and hold yourself accountable. A part of the process can be figuring out what you really want out of life which can be difficult.
We can also specifically use BDSM to navigate other parts of your life. BDSM can help teach you how to set better boundaries for yourself in work, how to communicate in your relationships, and so much more.
How Coaching Works
Coaching can be done in person or over the phone.
You can call my Dominatrix Life Coaching line on Niteflirt. I’m available most Mondays through Thursdays 2pm to 4pm central. You can also schedule an appointment for me to be online.
In person coaching is done in a quiet public place over tea, coffee or a drink with a few necessary exceptions.
How often we meet and what these coaching sessions look like can vary from person-to-person depending on your needs.
You do not need to screen for these sessions; however, if you do not screen, I will not talk to you about my other dominatrix services.
Coaching sessions are $75 an hour.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to get started.